THE FINAL WORD: PET EDITION 

So let’s talk names. The Bard once wrote, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” It was a quote from Romeo & Juliet. The net net is that Juliet was trying to convey that the naming of things is irrelevant, in an obvious argument that she should be able to marry a Montague even though she was a Capulet, a major no-no in the play. The only problem with this argument is that in 2024, names are even more important!

Names like Bailey(s), Snickers, Oreo, Dumpling, Ford, and even Schnitzel have overtaken Fido, Spike, Snoopy and the like. I even remember when the name “Killer” was a popular name for small dogs.

So how do you name your pet in one of the single most censored, politically correct and anti-conservative time periods in the world’s history? My advice? Buck the norm and name your pet what you want to name it. However, you have to remember in places like New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Austin, you run the risk of being cancelled by your friends if you choose the wrong name. Yes, our culture has become this insane, ridiculous and petty.

For naming conventions, and to further this discussion, let me use our dog, Brioreo, who is the Spokesdog for Pet Lifestyles Magazine. Brioreo, or Bri for short, was named Briana before we adopted her. As I stated before, my wife and I like to use food-oriented names for our pets, hence Snickers and Rolo. And we wanted to call her Oreo. The problem with that is both obvious and not. Firstly, it does have a negative racial context to it. And given Bri’s coloring, we were concerned people might be offended. Plus, the name Oreo has become so common for black and white colored dogs in the last couple of years, that it may very well cancel out the offensive concern; but then we would be stuck with a name that many use. Lastly, the challenge in renaming a dog at adoption is that, if they are a little older, you have to train them into a new name.

Armed with this knowledge, Kylie and I sat down and talked through it. We didn’t want to put her through name re-training as she was about eight months old at the time. So, our choices became somewhat limited fairly quickly. It was either we come up with a name that starts with “Bri” since that is what she is used to being called, or we change it altogether. So, we compromised with what we wanted and what we knew would be best for her comfortability (keeping her nickname). And so, Brioreo was born!

Now, every single day, often multiple times a day, I get asked, “Brie? You mean like the cheese?” Needless to say, explaining her name to people would take too much time. And become annoying very quickly. So, I normally just answer yes and go about my day with our furrever one. 

In the 1990’s, during another height of politically correct ridiculousness, my Pugs were named Yin and Yang. Certain people thought that was offensive then. Yet they had no clue what the words meant. And therein lies my point; a pet’s name needs to be about what the pet parent wants. It is literally no different than naming a child. Did I think it was offensive that Nicholas Cage named his boy Kal-El? Being a lifelong fan of Superman, I likely should have been. But, no, I wasn’t, knowing how big a fan the actor is of the Son of Krypton. I did think it was weird though. I felt the same way when Elon Musk announced that he was naming his kid X Æ A-Xii. But it’s their children. Just like Brioero is our fur-child.

So, at the end of the day, who cares what anyone else thinks about your dog or cat’s name? What matters is that you choose a name you love and one that you feel your pet is comfortable with. Hell, the next Pug I adopt I am naming Chopstick, cancel culture be damned. Why? Because I have loved Chinese food ever since I was a little boy and want to reflect that as such. And, guess what…there is NOTHING wrong with that.

The Final Word: Don’t let other people dictate the name of your pet and do not give into cancel culture. Your pet deserves so much more!